[ The scene is a airborne halo, highlighted magnificence. The theater is smoky near the entrance. The scene starts with a reporter in the iris center under the halo above. ]
Reporter. We turn now from the young riots in Egypt to the Cliff of Dover. Once these majestic peaks [ motioning to the lights above ] were the first glimpse of the world beyond these shores, and they were often the last memory of the homeland our ancestors would have upon leaving. And this is the site of the now famous Million Euro March. Led by Fashion Icon Jude Law, no relation to the actor of the same name, The M.E.M. is the response of the major economies of the Eurozone to the global financial crisis that began in 2007.
[ A figure emerges from the fog machine cloud at the stage entrance wheeling a barrel ]
Reporter. And this young man, this young model of democracy in action leads the way with a barrel containing a million euros. He is followed by representatives of the most in debt members of the European Union, Greece, Ireland, and Portugal.
[ the figure is followed by men in suits, the state representatives ]
Jude Law. We meet here today to pay tribute to the Euro, the strongest currency in the western world. These million Euros represent the finest consolidation of wealth in the whole world and we intend to spread them across the sea, as a symbol of the undying value of our unity.
Reporter. What passion. What grace. His suit-coat is Armani. Cufflinks, Herrod’s. We turn now from this majestic scene to the riots occurring in Greece and the U.K. as angry demonstrators take part in the World Cup of rioting and looking.
[ the lights flash red and blue, sirens wail as the businessmen drop their somber act and mimic rioting shouting molotov-cocktail throwing anarchists, they do this for a minute and then stop when the sirens stop, they freeze ]
Reporter. Horrible. Yet here we see the self-sacrifice that has procured the progress of generations. And this man, this fashionable man is nearly at the cliff.
[ Jude walks the barrel up to a huge fan by the audience ]
Reporter. There he is, standing tall in a Calvin Klien linen shirt and thrift store style sweater-vest, standing tall. Shoulders down, he’s lifting the barrel. Baby-blue striped undergarments. Very nice. And all the humanity! There goes a million Euros!
[ Jude dumps prop-Euros into a giant fan, which disperse to the audience, these are in fact mock-notes, fake bills with the financial reforms later revealed spelled out and adorned with symbolism derived from the play ]
[ the businessmen unfreeze and rupture into cheers and joy, they are met by corresponding businessmen who walk in, a German, Frenchman, and Italian ]
German. [ arriving on scene like a celebrating soccer fan, a cheerful mood quickly extinguished ] Hey! What do you think you’re doing!?
Jude Law. This is for the people, Germany! For every Euro lost, another Euro gained!
German. We said no quantitative easing! You’re just going to cause inflation you weak-willed circus animals!
Frenchman. [ still celebratory ] Wi, wi! Let’s not get too hard on them, eh? After all, we’re just in debt, like our allies, wi? If the U.S. can run a trade deficit, then do can we!
Italian. [ passionately embracing this debt situation ] Italy approves this debt dump, it is these situations that are most sensitive. So much more chemistry among the nations of the world, now that we are entwined in each other’s affairs. I say we keep spending the same. Everything will balance out.
Jude Law. Let us follow suit, fellow suits! The Euro is the first step. The next is for each of us to take. To cross this channel, let us dive with open arms into the embrace of the free-market. Occupy the Recovery Yourselves! [ waving the businessmen to come to the edge of the cliff, stage side, by the big fan ]
Reporter. This is a stunning development. M.E.M. just became O.R.Y. The leaders of some of the world’s largest economies are lining up to jump from the cliffs of Dover! This sublime demonstration has taken an ugly turn to a suicidal conflagration! Jude seems calm. Will they follow his lead? What will you be wearing to the funeral?
[ a voice from off stage, familiar, it’s Cassandra calling out ]
Cassandra. Don’t jump! He’s a cop!
Jude Law / Norman Masoch. [ alert ] Who’s that?!
Businessman. You’re Norman Masoch, the hipster cop! This guy was profiled in The New York Times for going undercover in Occupy Wall Street! There was more talk about his underwear than Liberty Square!
Jude Law / Norman Masoch. Look, fashion is the finest expression of the movement.
Businessman. So what are you doing here?
Jude Law / Norman Masoch. Starting a trend.
Businessman. And leading us all off a cliff?!
Jude Law / Norman Masoch. You all knew it before it began. The debt crisis was sparked by the recession in the U.S. Just as Madison Avenue gives us our fashions, Wall Street gave us our passion to steer-clear into the storm. Austerity, slim fit, austerity.
Businessman. But who’s side are you on?
Jude Law / Norman Masoch. My own.
[ they back him up to the cliff, with the lights out: end scene ]